Stream Meets Ocean

Oh lord, kill me today,
but kill her too,
so that both our souls
are liberated
to spend the eternity
together...

This cage of a body
doesn't promise me
her hand
her love
her everything everytime everywhere.

I can't die
before her.
And she can't
leave me alone here
even for a moment.

Kill her today, but,
kill me too,
so that out of the bounds
of these bodies,
we spend eternity
together...

A Mature Civilisation

What makes us humans different from other living creatures? Is it community? No, ants live in communities too. Is it agriculture? I dont think so. Some species of ants also do some sort of harvesting of their own. Is it tools and technology? Well, for all their real usefulness, I think, there are orangutangs and chimpanzees who are equally adept with tools used for their own survival. Is it our ability to subjugate other species? Think about it, there's always been someone at the top of the food chain. So if it hadn't been us, it would've been some other carnivore. We are just slight improvements over them. Ok, then it is love? Yes, I can say love, in its unique human form, makes us different. But then all animals have their own way of showing love towards their mates and children. Moreover, love is quite chemical, instinctive and inexplicable. Our highly evolved brain is indeed remarkable, but it is not different. What is really different is what we have thought out of it.

Human communities are indeed unique but they can still be called improvements over animal communities of chimps, gorillas, lions, elephants, ants etc. But somehow, as a community, we have grown faster and larger than any other animal. Is that because we are clever? No.

Darwin's 'survival of the fittest' is a law that is strictly adhered to by every living species on this planet, except humans. Here lies our uniqueness.

Every species is eventually preyed upon by some other species, or is robbed off its food by its own. Animals kill each other and kill plants. Its their instinct. Pre-historic humans were perhaps similarly instinctive - hunting in packs - and if required, killing one of their own to snatch food or a mate. Groups of humans must have fought each other over limited resources. Serenditipity gave us a superior brain and we used it to advance our tools and technology. But we were still quite tribal and nomadic. Perhaps what prevented these tribes from becoming villages, towns and civilisations was conflict of interests. Limited resources, compulsions of survival and barbaric laws were reasons for these conflicts.

I feel it was a brilliant spark of an idea in some tribal chief's mind that propelled us into the era of civilisations. And that brilliant idea is called 'Compromise'. He must have thought, "Why cant we live together? Why cant we share everything? Lets compromise!" Thence came the words 'negotiate' and 'dialogue'. These words seem common today, but they must have seemed truly 'out of the box' and revolutionary in those days. But believe me, compromise, as a tool for conflict resolution, is today as uncommon as common sense. Thanks to that ancient tribal chief, human beings started to share resources, common land, started to put their heads together to solve their problems, developed a sense of security and leap frogged into the era of civilisations.

Everyone knows thats the greatest developments in science, arts and society ocurred during the times of peace and calm. Wars were fought for consolidation of resources and staving off competition. But the actual development happened only during the peace that follows great and devastating wars. It was, and still is, a great price to pay for good art. Human beings want peace more than art. They want security more than freedom. But we still fight - someone somewhere always finds an excuse. Civilisations taking centuries to build up are wiped off within a few decades. Simply because the new chiefs of human civilisation have forgotten the magic words - 'compromise', 'negotiate' and 'dialogue'.

What makes humans different is not technology; or even civilisation. It is our ability to resolve conflicts in a consensual manner. Consensus, as a feature of human decision making, cannot be over-emphasised. It is the consensus of the majority that brings about stability, peace and calm. The measure of maturity of a civilisation is its ability to resolve its greatest conflicts through dialogue and non-violence. Conflict resolution is the best use we have made of our brains. Violence is a short cut, but violence is also exactly what we're running away from. Violence begets more violence. Violence is also infectious. People witnessing it get conditioned in it. It pushes them into further violence; or it lies dormant in their blood to explode out at some other time. Violence really spreads around like a sneaky virus. Violence is instinctive, brainless, base, animalistic ad totally illogical. If force has to be used, the best case would be to stop violence, not to crush it. But anyway, there is always a more intelligent and non violent means to end violence. How much and where you can compromise will tell you how much you can control violence. Non violence as a tool of resistance is almost forgotten today. To most people it seems more illogical than violence! What does that say about our civilisation? It tells us that either we're regressing, or we are nearing the end of our civilisation cycle, and a great catastrophe is waiting to happen that will wipe off most of us. We are no longer a mature civilisation.

JFK said, "Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate." Which of the current world leaders follows this guiding principle? We are rabidly scared of negotiating, not because we might fail, but because we might be seen as being weak. Since when have dialogue and negotiation become signs of weakness? Since we've had intellectual dwarfs and cowards for our leaders. We, the people, are to blame because we let them be. Its our laziness and lack of responsibility. I believe that fear to negotiate is the biggest sign of weakness of a leader. Considering negotiation a sign of weakness is nothing but false pride, pseudo egotism.

How evolved or mature a civilisation is, is denoted by how much of its biggest problems it can solve through peaceful conflict resolution. By that standard, I think we are far from being a mature civilisation. If only our current tribal chiefs would sit down and talk it out...

Lonely Flame

Its been raining outside - smooth and silky rains that want to paint the leaves of trees with large brush strokes. Hesitatingly and naughtily, the cool breeze is playing hide and seek with streams of raindrops that seem to be hanging from the dark heavens. There's nobody on the streets and it is very peaceful. Born out of nature, it is permeating the mind, body and souls of every living creature. The calm and the clarity are immense. And being alone at home in the midst of this shower of love is not very heartening for a die hard romantic like me. I crave company. I crave love. I crave a touch - of anybody - my mother, my pet, or my beloved; even my unborn daughter. A touch of tender loving care that gives appropriate context to today's blessings. Oh how I wish someone I love would love me too! Could there be anything more beautiful than that at this moment?

Loneliness is such a disease! It almost turned me into a chain-smoker and an alcoholic. Conversation, with anyone, is quite cathartic. My unshowered love, inside my heart, finds a momentary distraction. Today, there is no company and no conversation. Thank god I found the company of books in my childhood. They speak to me and I listen. They love me most in my loneliness. They provide balm and succor. They nourish, massage and cuddle my lonely soul. Perhaps, if things don't work out in the human world, I will formally marry one of them, coz they're the best friends and everlasting company that I've found.

I have never been in denial of anything. I am a realist. But only I know with how much pain and suffering I have consciously denied myself the expression of love. I am a realist and I know it would be futile. My love is very precious to me. I will not let it go waste. When the time comes, the stream will find its way to the ocean. But for now, I have dammed it inside my heart, constantly living under the fear that the dam will burst and kill me along with it. No, let it be like an inferno that has been preserved as a silent flame of a wax candle, waiting..waiting..waiting...

No, I cant let that candle go out. Just to escape the pain of waiting and bleeding little by little everyday, I cannot let that flame go out. I know of lonely people who come to terms with their loneliness by slowly suffocating that flame. But tell me, can anyone still remain a human after he has puffed out love from his heart? I know I wouldn't be. And I know loveless people aren't. Even a celibate sage has divine love in his heart. Its not our ability to think intelligently that makes us human. But its our capacity to love someone selflessly that gives us certain superiority.